The limit between reality and dream

“When I think about what intimacy represents for me, I realize that intimacy is all about those moments which are at the limit between reality and dream, right when your mind is so confused because of the intensity going on in the present.It can happen when you are so much into a particular instance that you just forget how reality is configured, when time and space stop being relevant in order to focus on what’s happening. I think maybe intimacy becomes true only after the intimate moment has passed by, not because you can’t be conscious of it at that time, but because one of its characteristics is that your mind doesn’t really process it at that moment. It’s so intense that your brain and heart are only connected with what’s going on. Then you remember it and that glimpse of past suddenly appears with the brightness that is so specific to intimacy. Maybe what I’m saying is that the consciousness of intimacy is related to the past and to the memory we construct of past.
I don’t really want to talk about an intimate moment that happened in my life, I’m still doubting if I’m able to embrace talking about something that’s so intimate, it would feel like being naked in the street or talking in public about all my weaknesses. I think I deny talking about all those moments that come to my mind, because nowadays the people involved in those are not in my life anymore, and talking about that makes me feel deceived about how my past connects with my present, how something that was so real for me, seems now to be fake. Maybe those were true in its particular time and what hurts me it’s remembering them through the pass of time when the time has deleted all the personal connections and I can only imagine an anonymous person that in reality is me. It hurts me talking about this because it’s talking of something that was and now it isn’t anymore. It’s thinking about ghost experiences, and I can feel them telling me that I was so innocent that intimacy seemed so easy to evoke.”

text & image:
Blanca, 23
Madrid, Spain
March 2019