Love and not powerSunday, 9th of August 2020
Why should we choose love and not power? The reason is that we are a living being and by choosing power we pretend we are not a living being. Power is denial, that's the reason. When you say it like that from scratch, it certainly sounds abstract, I can understand it, and I'll try to be clearer.
Life begins before others. In the beginning, you're born, there you are, a beautiful little body in the beautiful world. That's the starting point. It's true of the historical beginning of your life, but that's not what counts, what counts is that it's true of the logical beginning in a way, that is to say, that it's still true today but deep down. At every moment, you are first of all a beautiful body in a beautiful world, even if you are talking with people around you, even if you are thinking very hard and you are a little lost in your thoughts, even if you are coming.
So where does it lead to recognize that? Well, it leads to the liberating realization that other people are gifts from heaven, my friend. They're gifts, not need-filling machines. Other people aren't emotional resources, they're a pure social bonus to your life as a body in the world, and that’s all the beauty of it. From there you don't have to play around trying to get things that they don't necessarily want to give you, you just enjoy life and enjoy the gifts.
You can see yourself as a kind of elephant wandering “alone” in the forest, without asking too many questions, loving life as it is. If the elephant meets other elephants to trumpet together it is pure bonus joy. Life as an elephant in the forest is not solitary, there are trees to love, stars to love, self to love. See? Seeing that other elephants are gifts makes it possible to receive gifts and not to hurt yourself by forgetting that you're actually comfortable in your boots. I have an imaginary friend who says "we're all children of the stars", that also sums up the idea. You don't need other people for survival or happiness, you're already with the stars.
Power starts when you falsely think you need others, often subtly hiding this to yourself, all of it because you've been led to forget your body. At a certain point, you switch and you think you're first of all a social being, you forget that to even start interacting socially you already have to have a body in a world. This forgetfulness is the cause of the thirst for power because as soon as we forget that we can survive, live, enjoy and be happy just like that in the world, we forget the primary reality of bodily life. We forget life and we enter in the power zone. For when we forget reality, we freak out, we try to hold on, and we try to hold on to others. We're going to try to get others’ attention and love at all costs so that we feel like we exist.
We will create various traps and stratagems to train the minds of others under our empire. Sometimes it won’t look like power, it might even look like the opposite, but it really is power, the opposite of love. Of course, we continue to trap ourselves by doing this and we will never get love from someone against their will, but by lying to ourselves we play an endless illusory game which we call our life, but which is actually not life at all. The crux of the matter is that we forget about reality on the way. If you are after power, it's because you don't love yourself, and you make others pay for it. I don’t mean power like being the boss or the president or whatever, I mean being afraid. You hide your face because you are afraid to face the reality of your body in the world. But being a body does not mean being alone! Nothing is alone, because you are a body in a world of bodies. Everything is relationship. You yourself are a relationship. In the end that's just why you have to choose love and not power. Love is real, power is an illusion.
If we live in the real world (who doesn't?), we better choose the real world. In fact, we simply can't do otherwise, when we choose something other than the real (like power), we still remain a body in the real world and reality catches up with us. Always. We have to choose love because there is no choice, actually. You think you choose power, you just get slapped in the face by the world one way or another, that's all.
Power is a mistake. People make mistakes. There are a lot of reasons why people make mistakes and sometimes we can fall back into it because they all have pulled out all the heavy artillery to keep a psycho system going that can make us doubt, but the reasons why we make mistakes don't excuse anything and they're not good. You have to trust yourself and give up on power because that's what life is all about. throw yourself away. Jump. Sometimes it's better to trust that you're ready to heal than to be stubborn about preventing harm. That’s why love requires a certain capacity for suicide somehow. Maybe that's why we have these faculties of self-mutilation in us, it's made to allow us to get out of the cracks. Just use it with skill. Without a faculty, for self-mutilation, we would be condemned to protect our privilege. Giving up one's privileges and regaining one's life thus requires a certain taste for death, and only there, there is life. That is love.
A life of love after the death of genderSunday, 26th of July 2020
I was plunged into something dirty right from the start. That's how it is they told me, that's life, but the game was rigged. Now I'm out the frame and I don't know if I'm falling or flying. We’ll find out. I cried recently. Of course, I knew it, that my life was a show and that I wasn't a man, everybody knows it, that men and women don't exist, but I don't know why I cried.
What's a man? What's that? You've got the chromosomes and all the rest of it, okay, but is that enough to be a man? Like, on the street sometimes they call me mister, but rarely mi-brown or mi-blue-eyed or mi-small, even though it's kinda biological and all that. And yet the little chunky and the big skinny ones, it's very different if you look at it. Spending your life small and spending your life big makes a big, big difference. That difference isn't enough for us to be served "Mibig” and "Mismall” when we greet each other, on our identity papers, in condo meetings, everywhere in fact, and with specific expectations and roles associated. We don't give dolls to the big ones and cars to the small ones. We don't have matching colors. We don’t park by size class in groups of friends. We're not particularly suspicious of each other. There is no social and civic class associated with this very real physical difference. Everyone recognizes that there is a difference, that there are consequences to this difference, but it doesn't shock anybody that that difference is not reflected in the social roles we take on. It could be.
Imagine if we did the same thing we do to genitals with the difference between big and small. Imagine that was the only relevant difference so that we would conceive of ourselves and others first through that filter, and we would create a category and a whole way of conceiving of the other person and their behaviors through that filter. We would find it quite natural that the bigger persons would be more in positions that required calm and the smaller persons in positions that required alertness, we would find it a bit strange when someone wasn't in their usual place, we would see these cases as exceptions, we would talk about them a bit behind their back but with a kind satisfied encouraging face, we'd rather spend more time with one or the other because those are more likely to be like this or that and it's more like us and we'd rather, we'd start discussing the other group a little bit, to find out how they live life, how the perspective on the world should be super different and how much fun it should be, for at least one day, to spend your life as Mi-small when you were born Mi-big. It's absurd, isn't it? Well, that's exactly what we are doing with Mr. and Mrs... We put all this bigotry on genitals instead of waist, it's called gender. It was designed for division and oppression. Luckily it can’t work because it does not really exist. It works only as long as the show goes on. And the show goes on.
The physical differences between big and small not only exist, but are very visible, are very much influenced by our genes, a little bit by the environment, and influence the lives of individuals in a significant way.
The relationship between body and space is completely different depending on whether we are big or small, the nerve impulse arrives more quickly at the end of the limbs when we are smaller and more slowly when we are big. Some will bang their heads all the time, others will jump up and down to grab toilet paper on the supermarket shelves.
Some will always find their size in the store, others will never find their size in the shop. Some make everyone look down, others make everyone lookup. For life. Some will see a lot of skulls, some will see a lot of breasts. For life. That changes everything. It shapes life. It makes very different personality groups. We could serve Mibig and Mismall so much like we serve boys and girls. If we could measure the future size of the baby, we could perhaps also write it on their piglet bracelet, Mibig or the Mismall. Even before the birth maybe we could find out, and people would ask you on the streets if it's a Mibig or a Mismall, and you'd say you're very happy because it's a Mismall and that's what you wanted because you already had a Mismall last season and you think they're beautiful but it's good to change too even though of course, you have no problem with it.
The differences between the carriers of different genitals are used to control bodies and minds, to set a boundary in us and in humanity, to create camps. It's a blurring of the lines. Of course, there are physical differences. Of course, not everyone has the same anatomy. Of course, some people are hairier than others. Of course, we're going to see groups of physical similarities and why not psychological ones if we take a trait as a criterion for belonging to a random category. If I make a crease in society at 160cm, we will see clusters of anatomical similarities and personality tendencies and all. This is not to deny that for dicks and pussies, it's just to say that it's not enough to grill us Mr. and Mrs. all the time, any more than they serve us Mibig and Mismall depending on whether we're more or less than 160cm tall. We do not need the social system of distinction that has come to fixate on these anatomical differences, rather than on others. For some surprising reason, this anatomical difference there seems to be considered much more important than all the other differences between beings, more important than the difference in height. Why is this so?
One point where the analogy seems to stop is this story of reproduction. Here, the tracks are pretty fuzzy, I'll tell you right now, people don't have a clear idea about it and everyone makes their own shitty remarks to justify the division. If we are divided, it would be because the only way to make a baby is between those who have penises and those who have pussy. Look, that's true. But it doesn't change the story. First of all, who says making babies is more important than basketball? But there is more: not having gender doesn't mean not having sex, and it doesn’t stop you from making babies if you want. You can meet each other without gender, have sex and all that, and if you are planning to create your baby, you do it with someone that it’s probably going to work with, I don't know, okay, your business. If you want to start a professional basketball team, you're probably not going to take all the small ones, you’re choosing based on your goals, it's a damn good idea. If you want to make a baby and you have a pussy, one of the options is you look for someone nice enough to have a dick and you put it in, it's no more complicated. Gender is superfluous.
So why inflict ourselves and others? The short answer is we don't trust life. We think life needs us, needs our control, because we were brought up to forget that we are life itself, the world itself. We have a hidden belief that if we let go and we don't categorize things, they will disappear or whatever. But life, again, doesn't fucking need us (we are it), and that's the beauty of it. That's how we can live it, we let it be and see what happens, and we adjust sometimes. Otherwise, it's the world upside down, the world inside out, our world. Otherwise, it’s unhealthy relationships, emotional dependence, attachment and need, fear of death, and running away. Otherwise, it’s war. And we, as we are the world, are divided and suffocating, often without even realizing it, because we have never really breathed because the doses of this gender gas have been instilled in our air since before we were born. There is a life of love after the death of gender.
I am a relationshipSunday, 12th of July 2020
I had a girlfriend once. I read this somewhere today: "I had a girlfriend once." Five words I'm gonna try to talk about, although I doubt we'll ever get to talk about what I want to talk about. I want to talk about something uncertain, fragile, maybe beyond words. Because there is a place beyond words, and that's where it all begins. Where it all begins again. Where it's always been while we've been looking for another place. So probably I can't really say what I'm looking for, my words can't really talk to who I want to talk to, to what I want to talk to. But in a shattered reality, maybe words can be landmarks. At least that's what they say. So there are five seemingly insignificant words in the sentence above, and three of them are starting to sound weird to more and more people. Something is going on.
I had a girlfriend once. Can you ever "have" anything to begin with, let alone people? "Have." But what does that mean? Is it physical proximity? Is it use at will? Does it imply boundaries and limits? Is it about eating? Or what? Many of us can no longer sincerely understand what kind of otherworldly notion is at stake when people say "having”. I'm sitting in front of my computer, but do I "have" it? When do I "have" something? I'm not playing here, I'm confused.
I had a girlfriend once. So what kind of strange, unspoken alliance is underneath the term "girlfriend"? Are such contracts even possible in the real world, outside of our own projected movie theater? Can free beings sign contracts for real, or can they just pretend to sign contracts and play a game? Is it all just a game? "girlfriends", "boyfriends"... are they partners? Partners in crime? Friends with benefits? I'm losing touch with easy notions, as is everyone else, whether they've noticed it yet or not. And what are "girls" anyway? Are we seriously taking seriously these grotesque puppets that we pretend to be because we are afraid of who-knows-what, or are we finally going to admit the obvious reality that only people exist? Unbelievable.
I had a girlfriend once. But maybe the first term is the weirdest. And it's getting wild now. We're starting to lose everything here. I mean winning it all. Who's the "I" speaking for? Is someone or something separate enough from everything else to express themselves and perceive things from a particular place? What is a place when there is a whole? Am I not the world itself? Who do you think I am to pretend that I am something? I'm nothing, I mean, nothing is nothing, there's just something maybe and that's it. There's one thing. There's no "thing". There's no "I." The "I" is the world itself talking, isn't it? How could it be otherwise? Listen, listen. I'm not going to engage in a play on words or philosophy or voodoo or anything else. I'm just writing for the person who can read that everything is everything and nothing is something. That you are not a "thing", that you are not separate from other so-called "things". Death is not a problem, by the way, it is the same illusion as the "I", because you were never a "thing" in the first place, so there is nothing to die for. Breathe, relax and start being in love. Exist. It is both simple and dark to the broken beings we have become. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
I was reading a simple sentence in a magazine, "I had a girlfriend," and now I'm lost and confused. Or maybe I'm recovering from that loss and confusion. I feel like the ground is so fragile with cold water depths underneath it. Are all the things we think, say and do, all these things, so meaningless? Is this the world we live in? Are these just fictions that we mistake for reality? What kind of fear drives us to do this? Has human consciousness been stuck in this for decades, centuries, millennia? Forever? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I know that many voices have been raised, and many voices are still being raised, with the intention of pointing out these voids as well. I know that the mutation has begun, I know that it is irreversible, I know that it is useless to talk about it.
Love is on its way. What's going on? In tomorrow’s personless world, there will be no me, no having, no girlfriends. There will be love, and love, and love. You are wandering in the void, you have asked for nothing, and every thing or person you meet is a gift. Every thing or person you meet is love. Every thing or person you meet is yourself. Every person, basically, is one and the same person. There is only one person, I mean, there is no person. There are no relationships either, because relationships presuppose persons to be in a relationship. There are no relationships, I mean, everything is a relationship. There is only relationship, so relationships don't exist. I'm a relationship.