︎Some love is not to be forgottenMay, 31
“I heard news today that my old lover is making his way north. Back to where he was when I originally found him. I can almost hear the trail in our old love songs being played in jukeboxes of empty shit bars that he’ll hit along the way. He’s looking for some sort of peace in the madness it takes to be a man. To sort through the pain of being human and facing the truth of ideas that we have of ourselves. Are they just ideas and memories of grandiose stories of self or are they real? Do they hold any truth? Are the mad, mad for a reason and a price to pay for being riddled with greatness. I laugh to myself and I can’t remember the term he used to use, I believe it was that he saw himself as a modern-day caveman. He was a savage of love. Watching him was like watching the storm come directly at you. I was not a victim of him and was just as guilty in partaking but I felt the wrath of his destruction as he passed through. He left me with weather torn lips and a memory of how all I wanted desperately was to be seen by the eye of his storm. His words echoing in my head like thunder in the distance telling me that he would leave a dog with his piercing green eyes so I could never forget him watching me like he will be with me always. Maybe that's why Ollie, my dog, has so many human qualities, carrying the good parts of his spirit. As I write of him I can only imagine the things he will or has written of me. Just the thought of his twisted mind writing words of our love past makes me smile. Writers write and I hope his fingers push against the keys of his passed down typewriter again with force. Some love is not to be forgotten, like old injuries that ache in your bones when it rains.”
“There had been many lovers before.
Those who came and gave me their version of what loved looked like, which I accepted no matter how tainted it looked. You have the young ones that are pure lust since you don’t quite understand what relationships are just yet. I considered them the practice. They helped me form the picture. You had the ones who taught me what I cannot accept. The one who came and tore through me like a never-ending tornado. He leaves with only a trace of the rubble for me to clean up and rebuild. Then comes one who showed me exactly the love I deserve but yet I somehow didn’t add up to his higher set of standards. Perfection was the key with that one. Which I certainly am not. So I lovingly thank him and set off on a new path. And that’s when he showed up. The one who comes in and speaks your language fluently without even knowing. When he speaks all you want to do is listen and learn from the wisdom that flows from the same lips that leave chills down your spin. The eyes that stare so deep that no emotion can stay hidden. You crave their mind before you crave their body. But when the two meet, it’s pure ecstasy. You want to collapse because of what if. But all you do is lean on harder. You see the flaws and meet them with peace and understanding. With no effort or second thought. Their embrace can wash away any day that was less than great. In that very moment you ask is this home?”