︎Life in a caravan

Susy
Portugal




This was the beginning of our story. Magical Love. Our relationship was like an expansion of all the good feelings. This was meant to be. We were searching for each other in these interconnected Universes until we met. It took us no more than 3 times seeing each other to decide that we want to live together, and it took me 3 months to propose to him. We wanted to have the life we only dreamt we could have. We decided to live freely in a caravan, where we were able to move wherever we wanted to and still felt like home. An old school van from the 80s became our home. I wouldn’t have traded all these for anything else: the mornings when the sun wakes you up, the sound of the ocean as a morning soundtrack. That slowness when there is no need to rush to start doing something.

What time is it? Wednesday Morning. Just relax. And even a bit more. Expand the possibility to just fully be. Walking on a beach, inhaling fresh air and admiring the powerful beauty of the ocean spirit.  I look at it and I still can’t believe this is my life, that this is real. But as the ocean’s waves drive the energy movement, that’s how we decided to move as well. We moved into our first home. It was not easy to leave our caravan and start to live in a let’s say “standard way”. The first month, even if  we got the keys to our new home, we decided to stay in a parking lot, in our school van, because it was so hard to say goodbye to it. Basically, we were renting a house, but still living in a parking lot near the house. Some habits die hard.


The parking lot felt like a social experiment. People passing by all the time, but we were standing still. We kept enjoying our mornings there. I started to plant herbs and at some point, we even had an apple tree in the van. We created a little garden in our little van.

With the upcoming winter and quite a big tree growing in the van, we understood that it’s time to move into our new home. We didn’t just move, we also moved our relationship to the next level.

From our dream life, we dived into the deep sea of our relationship.

All started by watching a video talk from Jack Kornfield about forgiveness. Deeply touching meditation opened a hidden door within me. The door for an absolutely new direction in my life. The door of suppressed feelings, hidden pains and not healed wounds from the past. The door of trauma. I had no idea that this night will turn my life upside down. At the beginning of 2019 I started this absolutely new path. Path of healing and allowing to see the truth under all those layers which I created to protect me. Path of forgiveness. And maybe the most difficult path, the honesty patth.

What happens when you start saying the truth? To tell yourself the truth?  How intimate can you be with your deepest feelings, those you are trying to hide from, run away, push them aside. And how beautiful it can be to witness a slow reveal of those hidden doors?

It took me time to understand those unwanted feelings coming from my past. It took me time to understand that trauma can be a gift. To be able to face my anger and frustrations, to look at my previous love partners, to reveal my hidden memories and my suppressed pain. 
A pain which became real. Fully physical. Not letting me live. Not letting me fake it. That kind of paint that keeps you up at night.

There was no other way than to go through it and face it. Heal it. Together.

So I am here now standing in front of him with my wounds fully open. Wounds which are not visible from the outside. This is me, this is who I am. There is no more time for me to pretend that “I am fine”.

And what happens when you start telling the truth to your partner? Microscopic truth. Are we really able to be fully honest? If we are asking for honesty are we really ready to listen? Because listening to that microscopic truth is not always pleasant, sweet or heart-filling. But it’s real. And real is deeper down the rabbit hole. Real is deeply intimate. For both. 






He stayed. With me. Giving me the needed space and witnessing the transformation of these old pains I was holding for years. He was making hot soups and he was taking care of me. We slowly started to grow together but this time from a completely different standing point. Our ground was shaken, but together we stopped being afraid and we created a perfect soil for us to dig deeper. Now our roots are deeper.

Trust as I never experienced before. Intimacy as I never felt before. I  was able to take out all these masks and layers that were shielding me from myself and share THE essence, MY essence, whether it was beauty or ugliness in there. To me, Intimacy is to be fully naked, even when you are dressed. And trust me, not everybody is ready to see that bruised body.

He is still making lovely soups and I still love to eat them. We still have our first home, where our story started, in a van. Thanks to this experience I became a breathwork facilitator and now I am holding space for those who are on their awakening and healing path. At the end of 2019, after my graduation breathwork camp in Spain where my partner came to support me, we decided to spontaneously change our direction. On the way back home to Portugal, we decided to do a road trip around south of Spain as our integration process. We let ourselves be on the road again. To be free. To fully inhale this new stage of life. More deep, more real, more intimate.
















︎I fear a man of frugal speech // Jeg frykter en mann av nøysom tale

Cecilia Riis Kjeldsen
www.ceciliariis.com
32, Norway




“A tool with many tools” as described from Aristotle; the hand is a tool for grasping, taking, pushing, pulling, pinching, pressing, pointing, fumbling, crushing, smashing, itching, stroking, caressing, throwing, drumming, lifting. There are more verbs for the movement of the hand than for any other movement. [...]














︎Cea mai bună notificare

Lucian Brad, 24, Iasi
Fotografie: Ami Vornicu, 25, Iasi

︎Pielea Liviei

Orsolya, 28
Cluj-Napoca, Romania


“Ne-am cunoscut prin februarie. Mi-a zis de la bun început că are o relație, dar Livia este de acord ca el să se mai vadă și cu alte fete – despre care vorbea cu termenul de „iubitele mele”; odată când ne certam chiar a zis: „Este decizia ta dacă vrei sau nu să faci parte din galaxia iubitelor mele”. [...]”










︎Un loc părăsit

Dan Coman, 44
Bistrița, România



“Intimitatea e o chestiune
care ţine de tehnică
așa că desprinde-te
şi mergi singur printre
păpădii.
Zîmbeşte, lasă umbra să
se lungească la dreapta
ta..”














︎Life in a caravan

Susy
Portugal




“This was the beginning of our story. Magical Love. Our relationship was like an expansion of all the good feelings. This was meant to be. We were searching for each other in these interconnected Universes until we met..”

︎Truly present

Ioana


“I’ve learned that I can have moments of true connection and intimacy with almost anyone. For me, these moments come when I’m most at peace with myself and present, truly present, in whatever is happening in that moment. It’s a difficult thing to do and I cherish it very much when it happens, even if it’s just for a few seconds.”











︎Clumsy around intimacy

Cristina, 30
Romania



“I’m clumsy around intimacy,
it follows me, like a hungry cat
at the door, tripping my every step
always too soon
for trust, or secrets, or reveals,
for seeing, touching, kissing
the scars
the anger at someone betraying you”

︎At home

Alex
Bucharest, Romania


“Intimacy is not just our relationship with people. It is also our way of relating to objects, places, books, images, tastes and smells, a reflection of our desperate need to feel “at home”.












︎Darkness and silence

Gabriela, 25
Romania



“Someone once asked me what I was most afraid of. I said stairs and death. But with time I’ve stopped taking the elevator and started climbing those damn stairs, even if my legs were shaking. I’ve started to believe that we are all just energies that will come back in a different form, so the dying part didn’t look so scary either. But when I’m alone in the shower, and the water runs faster than my heartbeats, I know it’s love, the one that I’m the most afraid of, that terrifies me, that hits me in the chest so bad that I can hardly breathe. The love that I’m missing.











︎Some love is not to be forgotten

May, 31
Arizona


︎Pure ecstasy

Emily

“There had been many lovers before.
Those who came and gave me their version of what loved looked like, which I accepted no matter how tainted it looked. You have the young ones that are pure lust since you don’t quite understand what relationships are just yet. I considered them the practice..





















︎My house

Cristina, 30
Romania



“I panic at the thought
of sharing my house with someone
(my bed, my books,
my cat)
of him finding out I’m not as
smart or pretty or tidy
as he thought,
of him not liking the way I
smell in the morning,
my crooked nose
my unshaved legs
my too long getting ready
the perfume I bought myself when I turned 30.
and then one morning, as I wake up,
there they are,
in bitter autumn light:
my house, my bed, my books,
my cat.”



















︎Emotional distance

Antonius, 37
Australia




“My father – a stern man. There was a great emotional distance to reach him or for him to reach me. He found greater satisfaction in work than in family. Nonetheless there were those rare moments in the evening, in which he’d loosen – cold problem-solving analysis broke away to something warmer, more expressive, some would say more human.”




︎O invingatoare

Andra, 27
Romania



“Sunt mandra de poza asta pentru ca este o expresie a biruintei asupra depresiei.